Hey, Honey, How are We Doing Today?

I know I've written about the topic of elderspeak before, but I think it's worth coming back to. For those of you who aren't familiar with the term, elderspeak is a way of speaking that many use when talking to older adults, especially older adults with dementia. Some characteristics include simple words, short sentences, using a high-pitched sing-song voice, the use of inappropriate endearments, and the use of "we", and it's not the royal "we". If you're having a hard time understanding what elderspeak sounds like, think about the way most of us talk to infants or pets.

Negative reactions to elderspeak include pushing, pulling, refusing to do tasks, grabbing at people or objects, screaming and yelling or crying. In research studies I've seen, people exhibit these behaviors at much higher rates in response to elderspeak when compared with silence, or interacting in a normal fashion.

Sadly, the message about elderspeak is one that a lot of people just aren't interested in. I was recently asked to do an in-service on the topic at an assisted living community. You would think that the people working directly with residents with dementia would want to learn any tips that might make their jobs easier, but you would think wrong. I had a pretty bored and uninterested audience, and no one owned up to feeling offended if someone talked to them like they were 5 months old.

I'm Not Your Honey

It's always eye opening, being on the other side.

Mom had knee replacement surgery last Tuesday, so this week I've been the patient's daughter, not the professional medical social worker-geriatric care manager. I have to tell you, I haven't been so impressed with what I've observed. But, one thing that has been reinforced, is that the folks I worked with at the Osteopathic Medical Center of Texas RehabCenter were an exceptional lot--so a big shout out to all of you! I wish you were taking care of Mom.

One of my biggest complaints is all the "elderspeak" (In "Sweetie" and "Dear", a Hurt for the Elderly, New York Times, October 6, 2008).

I am not your honey/sugar/sweetie/dear. Neither is my Mother. We have names. You can call me Kim, her name is Mildred.

Unfortunately, the comments to the New York Times article aren't available, but back in 2008 when I originally found the article, I read the comments. This is a very divisive topic. People who use elderspeak feel very strongly about it. To them, they are being comforting and nice and pleasant. To the people who hate elderspeak, it's condescending, impersonal and lazy.

After this week I have become aware of how much more prevalent elderspeak has become. Almost every nurse and aide who I have observed interact with my Mother has used it. I can't really tell if it bothers her, but it bothers me. They don't know her. How can she be their "honey"? And I know I'm not your "sweetie".

So please, take that extra 5 seconds to look at the chart, and use our names. Don't depersonalize us, or assume an intimacy or affection that isn't there.